This last Sunday I celebrated one-year free from my eating disorder! I never knew that recovery was possible, I tried on my own several times to recover and I always failed. Anorexia had become my life, and I assumed it always would be. I had decided again that I wanted to recover from it, but for the first time I laid my ED at the foot of the cross. Even when I felt broken down, and that glass of water terrified me, I acted in faith that I was healed. Miraculously, at a Christian conference this time last year, I literally felt the spirit of oppression lifted from me, replaced again with the spirit of love; the spirit of Christ.
It took several months to regain a normal eating cycle, but when this illness typically takes years of recovery, it was a miracle for me. It was still a battle for me, and I still struggled, but the spirit of oppression was out of my body - I was experiencing freedom for the first time in 4 years.
This time last year I was miserable. My reflection shocked myself; my bones jutted out, sharp and cold like my soul. My hair was stringy, my eyes were gray and dulled. Today, I shine - I've filled out into a rounded, womanly shape that I'm proud of, not embarrassed by. My hair has turned back into it's natural shiny blonde locks, and when I glimpse myself in the mirror, I'm shocked my smile, not by the coldness that once surrounded me like a haze.
I know without a doubt that I couldn't have recovered without His grace - I tried on my own so many times and I failed. But as soon as I handed it over to Him - ALL the way over to Him, holding nothing back - I knew that I couldn't fail. By the grace of God, I shine again.