Have you ever had someone give you advice? I'm sure you can immediately remember things your best friends or your mom has passed on to you. Some of it was wise, some of it you took with a grain of salt. What about that advice you don't want? You know what I'm talking about. The woman at church who pulled you aside to let you know what she thinks about your skirt and it's length (it's ungodly to show your knees, you know). Or the "concerned friend" that wants to tell you what she saw your boyfriend or your husband or your kids doing. Maybe you've been that concerned friend, or you've been that church woman. I embarrassed myself one time trying to warn someone about her boyfriend, only to find out at a later time that I had completely misunderstood the situation. We often mean well, and sometimes what we have to share is Spirit-led. But, we learn quickly that if there's not a relationship in place first, then advice is unaccepted.
Paul talks about this in Colossians. Unlike Philippians where Paul was writing to a church he considered friends, Paul didn't have that kind of relationship with the Colossians. And on top of that, Paul was writing to correct their behavior. It was Spirit-led wisdom, and needed to be shared, but Paul knew the Lord had pressed him to share this. Now, this is about 60 AD, so Paul is locked up on house arrest in Rome - that doesn't give him the opportunity to go speak face-to-face with the Colossians, so he writes this epistle instead.
Within the first chapter, Paul lays out how we're supposed to address this kind of situation. He first starts with a warm greeting in verses 1-8.
We give thanks to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of your love for all the saints;
Colossians 1:3-4
then he moves on to prayer in verses 9-12
For this reason
we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to
ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom
and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light.
Colossians 1:9-12
and then Paul discusses the factual deity of Christ in verses 13-18
And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist.
Colossians 1:17
he begins to close with well-wishes in verses 19-21
And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy,
and blameless, and above reproach in His sight
Colossians 1:21&22
and then conclusion in verses 24-29
Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom,
that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus.
Colossians 1:28
The way Paul lays this out, shows us the same relationship pattern we should strive for with others around us. He starts with a greeting - before we can expect to minister to somebody, we need to know them. We need to know who we're talking to, and a relationship has to start budding. If we just walk up to someone and start telling them how to live their life and what Jesus says, they're not going to listen because there's no relationship so there's no respect.
Secondly, Paul prayed for them. He prayed not the HE would filled with knowledge so he could share the ways of the Lord, but rather he prayed that the Colossians would be filled with knowledge, that they would be fruitful and strengthened so that THEY were capable of hearing the Lord. How often do we pray for others? We need to pray for wisdom and understanding and strength in others lives so that they may hear the Lord, rather than always asking for wisdom for ourselves to share the Word.
Next, Paul addressed the situation without confrontation. I am very confrontational, and it's something I struggle with. I pick fights, because I often win - this is NOT a good way to show the Lord. Paul didn't tell them "hey, I heard what you've been preaching, and you need to knock it off because my God says this", but rather he started out gently, speaking the truth of the scripture, allowing them the opportunity the let the Spirit, through Paul's words, gently convict their hearts.
Paul started his conclusion with well wishes, and reminding the Colossians who they were in Christ. So often when we talk to someone about their behavior, we want to tell them that they're doing it wrong - what we should be striving to share is instead, who they can be in Christ. Paul finished out this first chapter by presenting them in unity, how related Paul, the Colossians and other Christians are.
When someone is out of line with scripture, we need to give the Lord an opportunity to speak to their hearts, before we storm in with our ideas of how they should be living. We need to remember that we are all saved the Lord, not one of us has achieved a private spiritual level that only you can stand on, but rather it's by the mercy of the God that we were saved and born again. Paul kept this humbleness when he spoke to the Colossians, and he laid out this first chapter exactly how we should be with new people we feel the Lord is asking us to minister to.